Anxiety. Pride. Vanity.

The kids are back in school. Ben and Lyle all day. And Callum a couple days early in the week. We have reserved Fridays for Friday Fun day and I am looking forward to adventures with Callum and a few other kids his age.

Yesterday we had the opportunity to go paddle boarding and I hesitated for a minute, knowing I have some anxiety about being on the water and with a two year old even more. But Callum loved it with Greg at Hume Lake this summer and it was a beautiful beach day so we rallied. A lot of my anxiety stems from the fact that I pass out every once in a while…super not serious heart condition. And situations where passing out could be very dangerous…obviously cause me to pause. And sweat. And my heart to race. Well that’s just the beginning. Anywho…the water was calm, Callum was enthusiastic and I was with dear friends…so I asked if I could borrow a life jacket. For me. (obviously Callum was wearing one) It seemed ridiculous because I am a confident swimmer, but for some reason put my mind at ease. As I’m getting on the board I commented to my friends that I’m probably the only adult ever to wear a life jacket paddle boarding in the harbor. Pride. And vanity. Speaking lies. Of weakness. How many times have I listened. And not experienced life. Wind. A giggling two year old splashing his hands in the salty water? I almost missed the opportunity because I was worried about what I looked like. How many adventures or challenges have I stood back and watched go by as I calculated my inability? My lack of mastery? Instead of just leaning in and experiencing as I am?

Today I am choosing to set aside competition. And expectation. To live. And enjoy. Who I am. And where I am at. Which happens to be in a very quiet house PRAISE THE LORD.

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