2012….I don’t know what to do with you. I feel 180 degrees different than I did last year at this time. I remember writing a post about craving change or needing change, and in January I took the first step and painted the front door ornage. Then, in what felt like an instant, everything changed. There were a few months where everything was cloudy. I didn’t know how or when I would feel like I was standing on my own two feet again. But eventually I did. Somewhere in the middle of the summer. The sun shone so brightly it warmed my skin. And I could feel my heart healing. The boys and I got into a rhythm. The summer that was so different than what I had planned was refreshing and fun. We eased into the school year and I found myself sorting through the emotional messiness of being pregnant again.

But here I sit, officially in my third trimester. Believing that we really will have three little boys in the house come April. And there are so many changes and transitions that need to happen before then, and shortly after then. I don’t even know where to start. Do I need a bigger car for these three boys?!?! I change my mimd on that one everyday. I need to move Lyle in to Ben’s room. And am just stalling for fear of losing one hour of sleep. Oh precious sleep I love you. And so many other big changes for Lyle. Potty training. I fear you. Pacifier. I depend on you. Naps…I love you. And as I see and prepare and try to lead little Lyle from being a toddler to a little boy, I see Ben growing up so much and can not believe he will be in Kindergarten next year. I have some specific goals I am working on him with to help prepare him. Some academic, some social and emotional. Regardless, it feels like such a big step for him to be starting school in the fall. And we have not decided where he is going to go. And can’t really make the decision until April when we know where is has been accepted. And seeing such a huge decision just hanging out there, past my due date makes me a little crazy. It makes me feel lost for what to do today.

So….I just spend hours and hours on pinterest debating if the accent color in the nursery should be yellow or chartreuse.

(while I am writing this, Ben is suppose to be having ‘quiet time’ which so far has involved coming into the living room 4 times to get various items, tools, bike helmet, etc and he kind of sneeks behind furniture as if i don’t see him….and lastly to hand me a walkie talkie. no words. just a mission of sorts. I will let you know my role as soon as it’s revealed to me.)