I have control issues. Am I stating the obvious?
A few weeks ago I determined that Lyle was going to be a monkey for Halloween (Ben’s costume from when he was 1).
And Ben was going to be a fireman. We already had that costume also. He likes to wear it. It (barely) fits. And if comfy. Done deal. Two costumes. No money.
Until I saw this….at Homemade by Jill, one of my favorite crafting blogs. No, not Nacho Libre….but that is HILARIOUS!!!! The man…with the yellow hat. And Lyle’s monkey….obviously Curious George! It was PERFECT. And so creative. And totally not my idea. But I thought I could pull it off.
I pitched the idea to Ben a time or two and he didn’t seem interested. Aparently I’d done a pretty good job of selling the “already got a” fireman costume.
So I kind of forgot about it. Until Thursday. And I couldn’t let it go. And I was at bible study with a room full of felt and creative inspiration (Melissa!) and I had to do it.
I started slow Thursday…making the yellow hat during nap time and showing it to Ben. He seems interested….so I kept going….dying fabric, sewing felt pants, a tie…..a belt. By Friday night I was done with the exception of the boots and LOVED my creation. And Ben casually said he like it but still wanted to be a fireman.
He repeated this statement over and over for the last 48 hours. To my mom. Greg. Gramma Dorie. Strangers. and to me today at lunch when he said, “Mom…I want to be a fireman this Halloween. But the one after this one I will be the man with the yellow hat. Ok? Deal? Let’s make a deal mom.” I started crying. At Wahoos. This post is reveling too much. Really, I was torn. Shocking isn’t it?!?!?! Is he too old for me to force something like this on him? The answer is clearly ‘yes.’ I realize that. Shouldn’t I just let him be what makes him happy? Will he resent me for not listening to him.
Then at church this morning the message centered on conflict, and how we may be holding on too tightly to something (a hope that everyone at the Halloween party will LOVE Ben’s costume and think I am cool b/c I made it….for instance) that is creating conflict and ultimately sin in our lives. Maybe we are idolizing something? Maybe a perfectly crafted, perfectly stiffened yellow hat? Maybe?
I prayed that Ben would want to wear the costume so I didn’t have to force him. B/c I really didn’t want to force him, but knew I would. Yes. I prayed about a halloween costume during church this morning.
I have so many issues that date back to decades of horrible Halloween costumes and wanting to be liked and admired. And if you really know me…and see me on a regular basis….please don’t play into this insanity.
Anywho…when I was time to get dressed, Ben was running around the house like an animal trying to scare Lyle. I asked what animal he was and he said, “lion.” I pounced (excuse the pun) into (crazy pageant mom mode) and threw on the yellow shirt and yellow pants under the guise of him being a lion. He went with it. But with a subtle look in his eyes that said, “mom….I’ll give you this one because (you are insane and have too many issues for me to even identify right now and I just want candy) it is obviously very very VERY important to you.
I have control issues. And as my kids get older, I am going to have to let go. But thankful….that although I may have lost all credibility with Ben, I didn’t have to today.
So….drum roll please……
totally worth it.
and yes, i realize i could have just let ben be a fireman and dressed them up tomorrow for the man with the yellow hat photo shoot.
on a side note, (b/c i am not 100% insane) i brought the fireman costume with us to the party in case ben did ask for it…and he didn’t.