inappropriate blog topics

I can still remember when I found out I was pregnant with Ben. I was so excited and a little shocked. And couldn’t wait to go buy my copy of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting!” It’s like a rite of passage or something. I didn’t dare buy it before seeing those two pink lines on the pee stick as not to jinx anything. (Sometimes I am crazy superstitious…which I know goes against everything I believe as a God fearing, Jesus loving, bible believing Christian). Anyway, so I rushed out and purchased my copy. Sweet woman wearing the sweater version of a mumu, pink ….leggings?…..and clogs. In her miserably uncomfortable wooden rocking chair. With a little fear in her eyes. B/c she knew something I didn’t. Right after the elation of knowing you’re going to have a baby sets in, you get to the page that lists “what you may be feeling.” Note: this is after the page with the “pregnancy diet” that I stuck to for approximately 1 day. Sorry in advance to my children. So physically, I might be feeling….like this is the beginning of an amazing chapter in my life, a time of bonding with my husband, hopes, dreams, love for an unborn child, nerves about parenting….or: increase in vaginal discharge (you were warned with the title of this entry), achiness in the lower abdomen or along the sides, constipation, heartburn, indigestion, flatulence, bloating, occasional headaches, faintness or dizziness, nasal congestion and occassional nose bleeds, leg cramps, backache, mild swelling of the ankles and feet, varicose veins of the legs, hemrrhoids, itchy abdomen, shortness of breath, difficutly sleeping, clumsiness (and just all around idiot-ness) and enlarged breasts. And the feeling like someone with a steal toed boot kicked you in the crotch. So basically I’m a big boobed ditz waddling around in a hell of a lot of pain and discomfort? Where is the “pregnancy glow” that the crazy ladies with 12 kids talk about?

For now, I will ignore the “what you may be feeling emotionally” section and just say: crazy lady that my husband doesn’t take seriously for 9 months b/c I’m crazy and repeat myself a lot and not as smart as the woman he married.

At 33 weeks along…..I have experienced enough of the symptoms above to confirm that I am indeed pregnant. I will not name them specifically for those of you that are not pregnant or have not given birth to a child in the last 12 months and would not appreciate it. I shouldn’t have wasted my $ on the test 8 months ago. :)

On a side note, we do not have a name for our dear unborn son that is causing the aformentioned “joy” in my body. Suggestions?