True lies of a crazy mom

Today (really this was written a month ago and I forgot to post it. You will be happy to know that sweet Ben has since returned to us and his evil twin….has not been seen in weeks), I did not do any of the following (in case the nomiations for mom of the year are due in soon):

Pretend to be asleep at 3:45 am when Ben was coughing so Greg would get up and go check on him. To which Ben responded “I want my pacificer.” You know….the love of his life that we took away from him three weeks ago and his repaying us every waking moment of the day and sometimes night for? Yes, that one. Greg ignored the question. I am so proud. (I threw them all away anyhow.)

Beg Ben to watch a second episode of Sesame Street so I could lay on the couch a little longer and try to get some sleep. And pour him a second bowl of cereal to seal the deal.

Allow my son to eat donut holes for second breakfast.

Spank him in Nordstroms and tell him he’s lost privileges” (while being totally vague knowing he has no idea what “privileges” are) for pulling dozens of ties, socks, shirts, etc off shelves while I was CHASING him around the store. While Greg was happily trying on a beautiful pair of 100% wool, lined, classic flat front slacks that were going to be custom tailored to fit perfectly. (I think I need a job that requires I don’t buy my clothes at Target).

Pay some guy to make a “Monkey Climbing Up a Tree to Get Bananas” balloon animal at Ruby’s to entertain him for 5 minutes while we waited for our food. I would have paid him $100, but thank goodness I only had a $5.

Allow my son to eat french fries and cheese for dinner.

Pay $1 to let my cranky disobedient son ride the carousel to again provide a 5 minute glimpse of the pre-two year old tantrum throwing, emotionally unstable, occasionally angry child that use to be my sweet Ben. And he was. “Mama….I ride horse! Giddy up. Giddy up!”

I think I should write a book titled, “I Will Give You Whatever You Want As Long As You Stop Whining.” Would you buy it?